|my mum, in the middle of the Carcross Desert. not entirely sure what she's doing. wondering what those damn clouds are doing the in the sky, maybe.|
|and this is me, practicing my awesome cartwheel skills. also in the Carcross Desert. it was a pretty awesome place.|
|this is the "airport". so obviously the term is used with some artistic license.|
|however, it may just be my imagination that has her wearing terrifying clown makeup.|
She gave me an understanding smile, and then said one of the most terrifying sentences I've ever heard anyone utter. "Ok, honey, that's fine. But maybe you should head back soon, because we just saw a bear down the road a little ways."
|"...and it's probably rabid. You might want to just shoot yourself now and save yourself from the pain of being mauled, then dragged off somewhere to be eaten slowly. You did know bears enjoy your pain, right?"|
For those of you city-slicker folk out there, bears are nothing to be messed with. This part of the country, it was likely to be a grizzly bear. And grizzlies are even scarier than black bears. Bigger, too. My rather abundant knowledge of back-country lore and camping experience had me fairly well versed in what to do if I did see a bear, but most of my plans for actually seeing one while all by myself on a lonesome dirt road revolved around pepper spray (which I didn't have) or large semi-automatic weaponry (which I also didn't have).
|too bad I forgot my handy-dandy anti-aircraft gun.|
It was dark brown, and not as huge as I thought it would be (though it still was probably as tall as me at the shoulder). The less-pronounced hump on its back suggested it was a black bear. It was probably around 20 yards from where I stood, absolutely frozen with terror on the top of a ridge, and it was on the same side of the road as me. I stood there, immobile with fear, and watched it as it meandered along down the road, towards me and my pants-wetting fear (no, I didn't actually wet my pants). After maybe five loping bear-steps, it stopped and raised its heavy head and looked directly at me. Then it swung into the carigana hedge and disappeared from my sight.
|but before it did that, it taunted me with its freakishly long bear tongue.|
"Mom!" I screeched. "Mom, stop! There was a bear! Bear! In the bushes! A enormous bear! Bushes! Danger! Halt!" (or something to that effect).
|"OHMYFUCKINGGOD I'm so not kidding right now! It might even have been a goddamn orc! I mean, few people know this, but the Uruk-hai are also native to this area!"|
|"Bears? What bears? What nonsense are you speaking, child?"|
We didn't see the bear again, and my parents, though sympathetic, were slightly less impressed than I was hoping for. I did manage to tell and re-tell the story however, milking every last drip of drama I could possibly hope for out of the telling.
|this is basically me. by the end of the story I'd probably been mauled like 8 times, and fought the bear off with my bare fists and saucy dialogue.|