Wally-World and the Aisle of Pink

Today I went to Wal-Mart. I hear you gasp with horror, imaginary readers, so I'll tell you exactly why I ventured to the land of cheap plastic crap and such tantalizingly low prices.
My mommy asked me to run some errands for her. So I did.
Also, I was pretty bored.

sadly, this bored

Don't get me wrong, imaginary readers. I love being home for the holidays. I love sleeping in my big bed with nice sheets, I love not having to stress about homework and finals, and I love curling up on the couch in front of the fire and with my cat, bathed in the multi-colored glow from our Christmas tree.
That being said, I don't have an awful lot to do everyday. As I already told y'all about, I've been waking up pretty early (for me, at any rate) lately, and I tend to exhaust my internet-surfing attention span at about 10:30 or 11 am.

you can only look at so many lolcatz before you have to move on.

And then... I kind of do nothing. Which can be relaxing, but after a while I get pretty bored. There are only so many times I can re-read the Tamora Pierce books, after all.

I have literally read this about 1.8 million times. If you haven't read it, I'm not sure we can be friends any more.

So I've been running errands for my mom. Which is actually kind of entertaining. I get to drive around in the Prius with Mumford & Sons or Florence + The Machine blasting at top volume (I'm kind of a gangster, in case you were wondering) and perusing the shelves at Safeway for the best deals on canned black beans and orange juice. For some reason, I quite enjoy these things. It's things like these that make me feel as though I'll make an excellent crazy old cat lady some day.

"What do you mean you don't take coupons here? I have a coupon for .30 cents off prune juice, by God! Mr. Fluffers needs to be regular too, you know. Ya fuckin hippy."

Anyway, I went to Wal-Mart today, which for those of you who don't know, means a 30-minute drive to Riverton. I also enjoy the drive over there, mostly because I enjoy singing along to the Dixie Chicks at the top of my lungs without anyone judging me. My mom wanted me to buy a gift for the daughter of some family friends of ours (she's 3), as well as some newborn baby stuff for one of her students. Also salsa. But not for the baby.

unless it was this baby.

I remember being enamored with the Wal-Mart toy aisles when I was younger. It was like a magical Santa's wonderland, but made of shiny plastic and dreams. However, when I ventured to the back of the store in search of an appropriate 3-year-old girl toy that wouldn't require me to sell a kidney, I was instantly accosted by a sea of pink and glitter. To be honest, it's a little nauseating. All those big-eyed, big-boobed, wasp-waisted fashion conscious dolls kinda give me the creeps. Plus, all the toys aimed at boys are so darn cool! They explode, and they race and make cool sounds, and they have like an entire section dedicated to dinosaurs. And then they give the girls things like "Moxie Girlz- Be True! Be You!"

give me a break. the only thing this is "true" to is consumerism and eating disorders. also freakishly large heads.

Also, all those animatronic toys that move and talk when you walk past them make me want to freak out and jump on them until they stop moving while screaming "It's alive! My god it's alive! Kill it, kill it!"

Which I consent would probably be a terrible idea, as well as perhaps a bit of an overreaction. There's just something about those "Fur Real" pets that purr and move their legs when you stroke their backs that freaks me the fuck out. Just get a real cat! Or a stuffed animal that you can actually snuggle with and play with without fearing you'll break all it's delicate poky electrical parts. And don't even get me started on the moving dolls. *shudder*

this is a doll. a freakish, horrible, horrifying, terrible doll.

But then there was the baby aisle. Lord have mercy, I know I've said I don't want to have a baby any time soon, but I can't help but have an estrogen meltdown when I go buy baby things. All of the little clothes are just so darn cute! I kind of got carried away... Though I don't actually want a baby of my own, I just want to steal someone else's and dress it in cute tiny outfits for awhile. Then I'll give it back when it poops its pants.

as I hear that they sometimes do.

So the moral of this post is... I don't know. I have issues, probably. Also the whole gender-stereotyped toy thing kinda bugs me. Also I really want a dinosaur for Christmas.

preferably one big enough to ride.