Autumn

Hullo, my imaginary friends.

this is sort of how I picture our relationship. but with cookies instead of pasta.

Long time no… see? Or something.

As you may or may not know, I have been on top of an active volcano for the entirety of my summer, shuffling tourons (tourist-morons) around a large dining room in a larger old inn for money.

thankfully, not quite this active.

Or, if you prefer, I have been acting as a hostess at Paradise Inn in Mt. Rainier National Park in southern Washington.

it is pretty fantastically beautiful up there, when the sun is out.

Either way, it translates to absolutely no internet (or at least very, very little, very pitiful internet), which in turn translates to no blog posts.

Also I am lazy.

But autumn is fast approaching us, which means all sorts of exciting things. If you cannot think of what exciting things those might be- never fear! I have prepared you a list of the things. Here ‘tis:

1.     Autumn means school will be starting soon. Whilst I am not terribly over-excited to jump back into the world of collegiate academia, I am very excited for these things, presented in a sub-list:

a.     Seeing all of my friends again

b.     Rugby starting up once more

because let's face it, who wouldn't be excited?

c.      Ok, I’m actually excited about a few classes

d.     But mostly, buying new SCHOOL SUPPLIES

yes. this excited.

Let’s take just a moment to talk about school supplies. When I was a child, being tragically homeschooled, we did not really have the traditional back-to-school shopping frenzy I now know is rather a part of the public school phenomenon. 

So when I was introduced to said activity the first year I actually attended public school full-time, I had a field day. I was quick to discover that I fucking LOVE buying school supplies. 

 also this.

Crayons, all arranged perfectly by color, tips sharp and shiny in their box. Markers, caps neatly un-cracked, spongy tips not yet tainted by other colors. Colored pencils, pointy ends sharp enough to stake a vampire. Pens in all shapes, sizes, and colors, their metallic ends going from normal to super-ultra-Kate Moss fine 

and in this case by "Kate Moss fine" I mean super ridiculously holy-shit-eat-a-goddamn-cheeseburger skinny.

(also, gel pens. I remember gel pens being, for some reason, extraordinarily popular).

 I also remember them being absolutely shit pens that worked for all of about 2 seconds, then totally crapping out on you and refusing to write no matter how much you shook them. then, days later, they'd combust in a deluge of glittery rainbow color like somebody shanked a My Little Pony.

Spiral-bound notebooks, pages pristine and crisply white, wire un-bent, covers brightly colored with everything from limpid-eyed lurid Lisa Frank unicorns to shiny photos of whatever pop star was uber popular in 2005 (I was a bit out of the loop then -see: homeschooled-, so I have no idea who that might have been. Britney Spears? The Spice Girls? Al Green?)

oh yeah. it was definitely Al Green.

So yeah. Now I get to do that all by myself, with no mother hanging over my shoulder to sigh dramatically and mutter under her breath about how an almost 20-year-old college student really does not need the pack of 1,324,567 Crayola crayons.

 yes I bloody well do! just lookit them all... mmmm, crayons...

It’s a magical experience. If you are no longer a student, I would recommend you frequent your local Wal-Mart sometime this season (but before it gets too picked-over, so you won’t have any trouble procuring your very own Justin Bieber 2011-2012 planner,

 ...cannot...handle...so...much...douche...

and also in the middle of the night so you can hide your shameful purchases from everyone but the freakish people that are Wal-Mart’s graveyard shift people.

 shudder.

Also so you don’t have to judo-chop some 3^rd grader for your Justin Bieber planner. 3^rd graders are very rarely in Wal-Mart at 2:30am) and pick out some school supplies. Go ahead. Smell those new notebooks. Give the pencils a whiff. Run your fingertips over all the 3 ring binders. I can pretty much guarantee it’ll be awesome. Also that you’ll end up spending wayyy more money than you initially intended.

whoops.

2.     Autumn means I get to wear long pants once more, hiding my ghostly pale legs from the angry, angry sun. Also I don’t have to shave any more. My legs, that is. My face I still shave, since everyone knows you don’t grow a beard until November at least. I’m joking. I would never grow a beard. I haven’t the jaw structure.

unlike this fabulous gentlewoman here.

3.     Autumn means crisply brisk winds whisking in off the bay, bringing with them the enchanting smell of the sea and nautical adventures.

note to self: next time put safesearch on when you google "nautical adventure"

4.     Autumn means the leaves changing colors, washing the verdant streets of Bellingham with deep, rich yellows, browns, reds, and oranges.

5.     Autumn means Halloween, which I have always adored. Though it’s a… slightly different experience now as a college student than it was when I was a kid, it’s still fantastic. It’s when you get to dress up as freaky as you want, go anywhere you want dressed like that, and people will compliment you on your fucking custom-molded vampire fangs!

 because this is the kind of person that wears custom-molded vampire fangs on the days that are not October 31st.

Also, free candy. Need I say more?

which everyone knows that, despite possibly dubious origins, is the BEST kind of candy.

6.     Autumn means at least 4 or 5 public showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which means you get to wear fishnets, stripper heels, and drag queen makeup in public and rub elbows with actual drag queens while shouting very rude, suggestive things at the movie screen and throwing things like rice and toast. You might also get an unexpected lap dance from a man in a gold loincloth and blonde wig dressed as Rocky.

and really, what more could a girl ask for than Tim Curry in stockings and 5 inch heels?

7.     Autumn means cute hipster boys on fixed-gear bikes peddling about with copious tattoos, way too many layered scarves, and unnecessary old-man glasses, scribbling slightly emo poetry in privately owned coffee shops, and blushing when you wink at them.

indeed.

8.     Autumn means I can quit my job (hooray!) (more on that later)

it'll probably too much information. but that's ok.

9.     Autumn means that Thanksgiving is right around the turkey, so close you can almost smell the turkey and taste the prolonged contact with extended family.

mmm, the only country that is on 2 continents... 

wait what?

10. Autumn means that winter is coming.

I love winter. seriously. so much.

So those are all the reasons I love autumn. I do believe it’s my favorite season. What’s yours, my loverlies?